-Not updated my blog
-Had my second chemo treatment
The first one was on Memorial Day weekend, which I passed tangled up in the sheets of my bed, absolutely unable to move. I felt great the day after (when I wrote my last blog), which I took as a sign that hey, maybe I'll breeze right through this chemo bizz. But really, it takes a few days to hit. By Sunday morning I was a zombie. Monday I tried to go to target with my bff Jenna to get stuff for her new apartment, and we had only gotten a brita filter before I got the sweaty, dizzy feeling that means passing out is moments away. So we left and guess what I did after that? I slept some more! It basically took me almost a week to feel like my normal self again.
But what's been really amazing is that I haven't been nauseous like I always thought chemo made people. Maybe it's because my dose is lower than some, or because, like my doctor said, the anti-nausea medicine they have now is really effective. I don't know, but I'm really thankful for it.
Oh, also. The shots that I have to get for my white blood count? Annoying on all counts. For one, the wait time to actually get into the doctor's office is usually about 1-2 hours. The only reason I'm okay with that is because I know my doc is spending as much time as he needs to with each patient in order to treat them to the best of his ability. But my sentiments are not exactly...shared by the majority of the people waiting, most (actually, ALL) of whom are older than me and I guess more prone to crabbiness. One guy, who was there with his wife, was the biggest whiner in the world. For a second I thought, oh, he's pissed off on his wife's account, cause she looked pretty darn uncomfortable. But he was just bitching about how HE had to wait and spend the day in a doctor's office and how "patience isn't one of my virtues, no sir." Heard that 80 times from him.
So there's the wait time. But more importantly, it's a bad thing to have such low white blood cell counts, which my tests have been turning up. For one, it makes you really susceptible to disease, since white blood cells are what fight off infection, which means you can't get your nails done, eat any fruit without a skin that can be peeled off, or touch any public garbage receptacles (that last one is mom-instated.) I've been joking that I've had to severely change my ways. I was never a dirty person, but I wasn't the most careful with germs. I'd try on sample after sample at Sephora, eat food that rolled off the plate onto the table, lean my forehead on a subway pole, stuff like that. (That sounds pretty gross when you write it out, but I like to think I was building up natural antibodies.) Now I'm packing about five of those little Bath and Body Works antibacterials in my bag.
But the worst part is that the shots cause extreme achiness anywhere your body makes marrow. I've had about 4 so far, two of which were back-to-back, and it was not pretty. I arranged it so that I could spend a night in Brooklyn at Jenna and Hope's new apartment, and after some amazing outdoor dining and coffee ice cream, I was experiencing this weird kind of pain I'd never felt before in my back. Every time I sat down or stood up, about 4 seconds would pass then I'd get a radiating, pulsing pain that would make me jump a little. When I told my doctor, he said he was hesitating on whether to give it to me anymore, but the drug seems to be really working on my white blood cell count, so stopping it isn't really an option. I just wish my insurance company would let me have it all in one go, so I wouldn't be at the doctor's four times a week. But whatareyagonnado?
My second treatment was a lot less scary than the first. I got that lidocaine stuff to put on the injection site, which really lowers the prick pain. Also, Cody (little bro) came with me, and he kept me calm and in good spirits. At first I was worried the process might upset him, but he was, I think, a little fascinated by the whole thing. Having him home since he graduated has been so good for the whole family. For one, it's always fun to have another sibling around to bounce parental attentions off of (good or bad--not that I've had much bad lately, I've been incredibly babied actually.) Secondly, he's turning into a five-star chef. Seriously, he's like the rat in Ratatouille. It's awesome. He's been apartment hunting in New York City, and I can't help but wish he'd stay the whole summer, even though I'm excited for him.
And that goes for all of my friends actually. The day Jenna and Hope moved in together, I had myself a good pity party and wrote a frenzied, penned journal entry that would've fit right in with anything I wrote from high school. See, here's how it was supposed to work: Jenna would turn her internship into a job, Hope would graduate as a speech pathologist, they'd move down the street from Me, Sara and Andrew's apartment, we'd cook together, have cutesy movie and wine nights, galavant around Brooklyn the entire summer in shorts and tank tops, soaking up some nice gin and tonics. The only part that didn't go according to plan was The Hodge, which I will admit it, made (and continues to make) me extremely jealous of all my friends whose lives seem to be taking off and going places. I don't want to necessarily call this whole thing a setback, because I'm gaining a whole new set of handling-bad-stuff skills and it's taught me to appreciate the silver linings, but at certain times it can feel like one. Other time it feels like an extended vacation from real life. So how much of a babybrat would I be if I couldn't be happy for other people? Plus, I'll be joining them soon enough. I miss Brooklyn too much to not live there, AND I found out my last treatment is going to be on September 24! That's at least a month shorter than I was expecting. I think I have radiation treatments after that, but maybe by then I'll be able to snag myself some kind of job and make it work. I'm not planning too concretely, but it's really uplifting to know the end date of the worst part. It's basically just the summer, which hasn't been bad. I love being around my family this much, and warm weather is just delicious.
Oh also, I am starting to lose my hair, which is a shame because once I actually put effort into styling it, I began to like my short 'do. Also, bald was never one of the looks I'd have willingly tried out. I'm really trying hard not to be superficial, though, because, really, Health > Hair. And when it grows back in, I'll be able to see my natural color, which I don't think I've seen since 8th grade. I did go a little harder than usual on my legs with my towel after my bath last night to see if my leg hair would come off (hello no shaving for the rest of the summer!) but of course that didn't work. Typical.
I am preparing to hibernate for the next couple days, but I'd like to leave you all with this drawing that hangs in the infusion room at my doctor's. Cody and I both thought it was so funny and cute. It was done by a little kid for his grandma.
*ok turns out that photo comes up really small, so here's some more description--it's a dragon labeled "Cancer" who is attacking who I'm assuming to be the grandma in her castle. But trusty "Chemo man" (who "always wins") is riding up to save the day. The end.
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