So remember that faux how-to list about the end of summer where the whole joke was that "Sexy Bitch" by David Guetta came on and ruined the really quiet feeling Dar Williams gave me? Twice? Well, I was (somewhat shamefully) listening to Dashboard Confessional just now while working on my resume, and "Several Ways to Die Trying," the last song on the album, was wrapping up nicely and somberly and IT HAPPENED AGAIN.
"Sexy Bitch" has to go.
In other news, I've been going out now without a hat on, because I now somehow have enough hair to get away with that. For a while it was weird, baby bird fuzz of different lengths on the very top of my head, but then one day last week-ish, I looked in the mirror and realized I had a hairline again. It was in hiding, because it's bleach blonde from the sun OR (!!!!) because it's growing in that way. Cancer would be so worth it to be a natural blonde. (...Trying to decide if I'm kidding....)
So this past weekend when I went into the city, I was showing off my new half a centimeter of hair to my friends, and everyone agreed I could get away without wearing one of the fedoras that's been glued to my head all summer. So I actually went to dinner without a hat on and felt the evenin' breeze on the back of my head. It tickled. But it was a really delicious feeling. NYC is always a good place to try a new look out, because no one really looks at you twice there unless you look like you're going to ask them for money. And even then they don't, because they don't want to give you any.
I didn't think St. James was ready for the look, but my mom boosted my confidence, and I went around all day yesterday and today without a hat on. At one point I wondered if people could tell I had cancer. It's such a specific kind of insecurity, because if I had just shaved my head because I felt like it, I'd probably enjoy the looks people gave me (because I am a narcissist, welcome to my blog all about ME), but since it comes along with the hodge, and it makes me feel so icky and awkward to think people feel bad for me, I lost my nerve a little. But not enough to put a hat on.
Here is a photo of the peach that resides on top of my neck. I'm pointing to my favorite (read: most blonde) part.
In other, OTHER news, I had my PET scan at 8 am today. Compared to everything else, PET scans shouldn't be anything to complain about, except it is literally FRIGID the entire time, and I kept shivering and getting really painful goosebumps. "Painful goosebumps?" you say. "How strange!" Well, let me explain. Anyone who has shaved their legs before knows the unpleasant sensation goosebumps give your right after a shave. Like,"Oh, great, a slight breeze and my legs are prickle city again," and you can kind of feel the hairs growing. Well, since there hasn't been much hair on my legs for a while (Summer: the ideal season for BBQs, swimming, and going through chemo), I haven't had that feeling. Now, since the hair on my legs is starting to grow in again, when I got goosebumps today it was like little evil were trapped in my skin and trying to escape by pushing toothpicks out from under each pore.
I should get the results tomorrow at some point, which will dictate the next few months. YIKES BRO.
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