1. Get to know each other. After all, you're going to be spending a whole week together, so you should know that he's not constantly miserable, but that's actually just his face.
2. If you wake up at 7 am on the first morning to take him out to the bathroom, then again at 8:30, then again at 9, and by 11 he still won't get off his bed, pick him up and put him outside. Do not be startled by the grunts and sighs and general troll noises he will make as you do this.
3. Don't get frustrated when he won't eat his dog food but allow yourself to be impressed at the heights he will go to when begging for people food. Give him a bite of chicken.
4. Take him for walks and let him strut his stuff, as his is wont to do. Receive the most smiles from strangers you've ever gotten in your life. Realize it's not you they're smiling at. Attempt to take the pup up to the park, but realize it's you who's being walked when he takes you right to the door of a doggy toy store. Actually consider buying him a toy before you remember you're unemployed.
5. Lift him up on the bed to snuggle when it's time for bed. Completely reconsider wanting a boyfriend when he farts and snores like every guy you've ever dated. Feel slightly guilty when you lift him back down to the floor.
6. Feel guiltier when the next night you not only move him back down to the floor but actually evict him to his bed in the living room because you just. can't. sleep. with. the. SNORING.
7. Give him some space when he's a little pissed at you the next day.
8. Make it up to him by taking him to a tropical location for some fun in the sun. But make sure it's not TOO much sun.
9. Feel your heart fully liquify at the site of this:
(Also be reminded you have the voice of a 6 year old.)
10. Maaaaaybe let him sleep in the bed tonight with you. Maybe.
Ha! Loved this!
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