How to Tell You Have Anxiety About Moving

1. Go to sleep on Friday night. Proceed to dream that:

1a: You are not moving back into your apartment in Brooklyn, but the hippy house you lived in during college--the one with the purple shutters, neon green walls, and dirt. Everywhere dirt. But you're there alone. No roommates in an old house that used to belong to schizophrenic woman and still looks it.

1b: You ARE moving back into your (3 bedroom) apartment in Brooklyn, but with ALL your old college roommates, one of whom is your ex that you haven't spoken to in 2 years.

1c: You're moving back into the insanely gorgeous brownstone you lived in during a brief stint in Albany, for which you paid a paltry sum, but this time you're paying Brooklyn prices.

2. Go to sleep Saturday night. Proceed to dream that:

2a: You get to your apartment, and your roommate painted the living room walls mustard yellow, the molding red, and put down cobalt blue carpeting. Then he asked if you liked the new "pre-school chic" look. You didn't.

2b: You go to use the bathroom, fall into the bathtub, and no one will help you out.

2c: Your room is just a giant closet, plastered with photos of people from your 7th grade tech ed class whose last names you don't even know.

2d: Your dad designed a system of moving your stuff in that was not unlike a log flume down the hallway to your room. Everything got wet.

2e: You ordered a new love seat, but it showed up with a sink in the middle of it, and no one understood why you wanted to send it back.

3. That's pretty much it.